A Lack of Faith??

Oh Goddess, I miss blogging!! I've been away for far too long and it's not because I didn't want to be (or my internet bill didn't get behind), I have been experiencing a HUGE struggle with my faith this past year. I think I can trace it back to about this time last year when I was depressed about not finding work. I just didn't feel like doing Sabbat rituals or workings. Then I found a job, but at the time didn't realize it was a bad choice for a job. I was working at a hair salon on straight commission, I thought if I did that it would force me to find a clientele. After 9 months working there and not making much money, I left and found a new job. But money was short, bills got left by the wayside as I struggled to get myself caught up. Because of this, my faith took a backseat. I tried to go to public rituals, feasts, but my heart wasn't in it, so I stopped going. I shut myself away from my local Pagan groups and from some Pagans who I really didn't want to associate myself with anymore. The stress of money problems, witch wars, etc, I cut myself off and focused on one thing that actually made me smile throughout all this.

When I woke up this morning, I realized that I needed to make a change in my life, my spiritual life. I'm going to practice my faith my way. Not with what books or fellow Pagans say how I should. I do things a little unconventional, not the norm and I don't add New Age things into my practice. I may not blog as much as I used to (let me get out of my funk first) but I do hope you read it when I do. I also posted today about a meditation I had last week on my Rowan's Deities page.

A Major Decision I've Made

So, I decided the other night that I'm going to do something I think I am ready to do. After about 4 years of studying & learning (and I'm not even finished), reading, preparing, I am getting myself ready to do a Self-Dedicating ceremony. I feel that after these years of hard work I've committed into the learning process, I am ready to serve the God &Goddess wholeheartedly.

Now, I'm not big on doing the whole big ritual thing that a lot feel they have to do, when I do my ceremony, it will reflect me & who I am. I am an Eclectic follower of the Old Ways, I borrow from other Paths to make my own, but yet I still follow a certain pantheon of Deities. I also have a special place in my heart that resonates with me on a spiritual level that would be a perfect place to do this. It is in the wilds of NS, where nature is as bountiful as the ever-changing leaves on the trees. It is a place that I fell in love with the 1st time I visited there, a place that I felt a great connection to the Earth spirits and Gaia, Herself.

I am preparing myself for this by what I eat, how I conduct myself and with a lot of meditation with my guides to assist me. I do not know when exactly I will be doing this, I will just know when it's right.

Enhancements or Fluff??

NOTE: This is my opinion, not the way it should be. If you get offended, this is an opinion only.

I've been on this Pagan journey for the better part of 18 yrs, while actively practicing for the past 4. Back when I was in college & exploring this path, I became enthralled with it. The mythologies, Deities, pantheons resonated with me on a level I never knew in my strict Anglican upbringing. I eagerly gobbled up what I could find on the Old Ways. In my naivete, I read books by less-than-stellar authors ($RW, for example) and in those early days of the internet, whatever I could find on the slow dial-up at the library.

There was a few things that I couldn't grasp in Paganism. Why was everyone so eager to jump on the crystal bandwagon?? When I look back to history and how the cunningfolk did things, they used what was around them: plants, kitchen implements, etc I don't think that they had access to crystals, like we do today and the means to extract crystals from the Earth is a harmful method. Why should we do harm to the Earth in order to aide on our path? Seems pointless to me. During the 20th century it has crept into Paganism from the New Agers. I do understand that there is a fine line between Neo-Paganism & the New Age movement, even books on Paganism are found in the New Age section in bookstores. Even in the Pagan bookstores, there is a huge crystal section. I try to honor the Deities with how I live, I am not be a person who has to do a ritual for everything or for every Esbat & Sabbat, but I do things that I feel are right for me.

I've tried to read books on crystals & their properties, what their correspondences are, which Diety they go with, but I never "got it" It never made sense to me. I know that to a lot of you, having a quartz or a piece of selenite as part of your workings works for you and that's great if it does. To me, they look pretty on an altar. I have tried working with crystals, but there was no spiritual connection there for me. So are crystals an enhancement to your practice, or something that was read in a book suggesting that you use them?

Ok, if that didn't squish your toes enough, how about Reiki. I see a lot of people using this form of Japanese healing to go along with their Pagan path. Reiki is great, I've tried it, very relaxing and refreshing to the energy field. But, along with crystals, it became popular with the whole New Age movement, where bodily energy fields became the "thing" to work with. I do know that in the Craft, we work with energy fields, but did the cunningwoman use a form of "laying on of hands" (to borrow a Christian term) to help those in need of her wisdom? I see that she may have used the herbs & plants around her to help with her workings/healings. Magic is working with the energies around us for a multitude of things. Reiki is a relaxation technique that also promotes healing. It was developed in 1922 by a Japanese Buddhist and is used by a multitude of Pagans, but is not Pagan in origin, nor is it an ancient practice. So, I ask my question again, is this an enhancement to the Craft or just more New Age fluff that is making its way into Paganism? I find a lot of Pagans using things to enhance their path, but I wonder if this due to the large influence the New Age movement of the past century had on modern Paganism. Besides crystals, I have heard of the use of pyramids to keep one centered, the idea of people being defined as Indigo, Crystal & Rainbow, to use as some examples.

I was asked why I am against Paganism & Wicca. I'm not against Paganism, just the fact that it has gotten away from its roots. I'm also not against Wicca, just I have issues with Gardner & his thievery of other Hermetic orders to come up with a religion that is as rigid as some Christian faiths. As I stated at the start of this posting, this is my opinion and not the way it has to be, I may have stepped on toes, I may even have offended some, but I see no use for New Age things in my beliefs. I come to honor the Deities, live in harmony with Mother Gaia and I don't need pretty colored rocks to aid me or someone to place their hands in my energy to heal me. Does that make me cynical? Perhaps, but I like to think of it as getting back to the good old days of being Pagan, which a lot of us have forgotten to do.

A Visit to Twa Corbies Hollow

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to have a good friend over to get her haircut. In exchange for the haircut she brought me some clothes that no longer fit her (bonus) and she did an Intuitive Art Reading for me. This meant that she would hold my hand for a bit while getting visions. She then would interpret those visions through her art. On the 5"x7" card she painted as she looked at me telling me of what she saw. One thing she mentioned that has relevance to this note was about my upcoming trip to Twa Corbies for a Spirit Journey Workshop. I was told that something of importance would happen to me that would blow me away. What did that mean, I asked. She just smiled in her cute way that I would have to experience it to know it. I had been planning on going up to my friend, Cliff's place for a bit and was excited to get out of the city & breathe for a change.

As the weeks rolled by, the anticipation grew. A couple of days before the long weekend, I received a group email from Cliff. He wanted to know who was coming or not to his place so he could make the necessary arrangements. I was the only one who responded. Was that a sign of things to come??

I took an early bus ride from the city to arrive around noon at part of my destination. I was picked up by Cliff & his daughter, Natalia. After running a few errands, we went to a cute Pagan stored in New Glasgow, The White Lotus. There I found some interesting herbal teas (Faery , Vervain, Oolong & Jamaican Spice), a few more crystals for my ever-growing collection, and a Goddess figurine (I can never have enough of Her). I also got a small hand-carved stone owl, my totem animal.

We took the scenic route back to Twa Corbies Hollow. I hoping to meet others that were also invited to come. Now, for those of you who know me well, I am quite a talker, but I got the case of the shyness (hard to believe, I know) I listened to Cliff talk to me about his horses, Aval, Acorn & Sidhe Bheg. Then, I saw them as we rounded the curve in the road approaching the Hollow. Wow, they're huge!! That was my first thought As we pulled up the driveway, I could see a black dog running happily towards the truck, I got a bit nervous, as my old fear of dogs came back to me. But this dog was a playful boy who wanted to play stick. he jumped up at me & proceeded to goober up my hand with dog kisses.

I was shown the gardens, where Lady Daphne & Ariel were working on making rows for planting. I saw Claire the cow grazing in the field nearby. She's not very social for a cow. After putting my backpack up in my room, I went outside & helped (as best as I could) with whatever work they needed me to do. Natalia took me down to the barn where I met the horses close up. Aval & Acorn were the gentle giants, I fell in love with them at first sight. Sidhe Bheg, what can I say about her?? If she were human, she would be the diva of all divas. Natalia warned me that she likes to nip people, so my hands stayed in my jacket pockets, nice & safe.

After a quick lunch, we got back to work. There was no word from anyone else who were supposed to be coming for the workshop. I had a feeling that I was the only one. After playing stick with Willowisp, Cliff got Sidhe Bheg ready to go for a carriage ride, while his oldest daughter, Ariel cooked supper. Daphne, Natalia, Cliff & myself took a long winding ride through the countryside. We saw a few deer, lots of apple trees and houses with stars on them (is this a trend or are they wannabe witches?). When we arrived back to the Hollow, no one had called or showed up for the workshop. Their loss was my gain, as I was thoroughly enjoying my time. After eating a hearty potato cauliflower soup with bread & homemade cheese, we watched the Simpson's episode where Lisa meets with the Wiccans.

The next morning, after a restful sleep, I was awaken by a somewhat large furry being in bed with me, licking my hair. That could only mean one thing, my new playfriend, Willowisp was with me. I got dressed and headed downstairs to see what was on the plan for today...planting in the garden. I got to plant parsnips, get eaten alive by blackflies (still recovering from them) in spite of wearing long sleeves, bug repellent and no deodorant. They saw me as their "all you can eat buffet" and they feasted. I also went & visited with the horses, saw the goats and played stick with Willowisp. Ariel & I also pruned the apple tree next to the house. For being a city girl, I think I did alright...going without makeup, hair not done and not caring how dirty I got. I was having a blast!!

I ate homemade cheeses, organic food, drank mead for the first time (yum!), tried new things, watched a few movies, gardened, learned new things about myself I really didn't know. I didn't get to ride a horse, but maybe on my next visit I will. I even tried...miserably...archer

y and played croquet (how did I go from 2nd place to 5th so fast?) Even though no one showed up for the workshop, it was well worth the 3 hr trip from the city. I even gave Lady Daphne a haircut, using a broken hairbrush & kitchen scissors. Next time I'll bring the real scissors with me.

I would write more, but my calamine lotion needs to be reapplied, as my arms are raw from the scratching. All in all, I had a wonderful time & I can't wait to go back to the Hollow very soon. My hosts were the best!! I can always come back in time to harvest my parsnips...