A Lack of Faith??

Oh Goddess, I miss blogging!! I've been away for far too long and it's not because I didn't want to be (or my internet bill didn't get behind), I have been experiencing a HUGE struggle with my faith this past year. I think I can trace it back to about this time last year when I was depressed about not finding work. I just didn't feel like doing Sabbat rituals or workings. Then I found a job, but at the time didn't realize it was a bad choice for a job. I was working at a hair salon on straight commission, I thought if I did that it would force me to find a clientele. After 9 months working there and not making much money, I left and found a new job. But money was short, bills got left by the wayside as I struggled to get myself caught up. Because of this, my faith took a backseat. I tried to go to public rituals, feasts, but my heart wasn't in it, so I stopped going. I shut myself away from my local Pagan groups and from some Pagans who I really didn't want to associate myself with anymore. The stress of money problems, witch wars, etc, I cut myself off and focused on one thing that actually made me smile throughout all this.

When I woke up this morning, I realized that I needed to make a change in my life, my spiritual life. I'm going to practice my faith my way. Not with what books or fellow Pagans say how I should. I do things a little unconventional, not the norm and I don't add New Age things into my practice. I may not blog as much as I used to (let me get out of my funk first) but I do hope you read it when I do. I also posted today about a meditation I had last week on my Rowan's Deities page.

A Leave of Absence

Ok, I know that I haven't posted in a long time. There is a reason for this. As the recession hits the hair industry, I got behind on some bills and since internet is a luxury in my household, I lost it about 3 wks ago. I went through withdrawals, but now I am ok without not having it. I think I was spending too much time on it anyway.

There have been a lot of changes to my life in recent weeks with losing employment, to hunting for a new position to myself working on my spellcrafting. I have been preparing myself for a job-hunting spell, as well as getting things ready for my self-dedicating ritual I plan on doing very soon. I have been making new friends and connecting with old friends and whittling down my Facebook. I've been out & about with enthusiasm and learning new things/hobbies in my craft.

I will be posting as soon as I get the internet bill paid & start working. For now, I'll be utilizing the neighbourhood library for my internet fix.

Blessings to you all,

Rowan
)O(

A Struggle

I'm not sure how many of you out there know that I am a mother to a child with Autism. My 8 yr old son has Autism and recently has been experiencing some behavioural issues at his daycamp. It is a repeat of things that were going on with him last year at the beginning of the school year. He gets defiant when it comes to activities that do not include water (swimming, sprinkler park, etc) and he has been hitting his camp leaders on the arm. Mark has had a teacher's aide with him at school and at previous camps in summers past has had a support worker. This is the 1st year that he doesn't have a support worker with him at camp. He goes to the facility for his afterschool program and when I registered him for camp this summer, I specified that he would need a support worker with him. Needless to say, he didn't get one. There are 3 other children at this camp with Autism and in need of support and yet only 1 child is getting the support she needs, leaving Mark & the other 2 without.

In the past week, Mark has displayed behaviours that are not very becoming of a boy his age. He is getting aggressive with his group's leader, not listening to instructions and constantly running away from them. He displayed this behaviour last fall at school & was segregated to the Learning Centre until after the Christmas break. Now, he is repeating this behaviour and was sent home yesterday & today from camp. I talked to the camp's director and was given a "choice" I could let Mark have the support worker for a week straight in the month of August & not have him attend camp for the rest of the month OR he can continue with camp without the use of the support worker to assist him.

I put him in the camp because he wanted to go, he knew everyone at the Centre where it was being held and it gave him the opportunity to go places & see things he normally wouldn't get to do. I also work during the day, as does his father, so we can't spend the summer with him. Daycamp provided an answer for Mark this summer. But he is not enjoying himself, he is constantly being shuffled around to different groups when he gets out of hand, or being in "time out" for having actions that he can't control. He is stressing & doesn't know how to cope with whatever is bothering him.

Now, I have a decision to make.

Into the Mystic

I know I really haven't posted a lot this week, been a little pre-occupied with things. My apt got new windows & a new front door, so I really couldn't leave my place or go on the pc (too much noise to concentrate).

On Monday I went out with my friends, Lisa & Julia to go get our Tea Leaves read at Into the Mystic. It's another Pagan store over in Dartmouth, we missed going there on our last roadtrip. When we got there, we found out that the lady who does the Tea Leaves was out on vacation til next week. The owner, Donna, said she reads Russian cards, so we opted for that instead. The shop also has a tea room where we sat & had a cup before our readings. Lisa got a coconut chai, Julia got the chocolate chai & me...well, I could make up my mind, all the teas smelled delicious. I ended up making my decision based on a tied & true method: Eenie, meenie, miney, moe. I had the chocolate chai, too.

Lisa went first with Donna up to the loft that overlooks the shop. They have 2 Arabesque tents where they do readings in. While she was getting her reading done, Julia & I sat & enjoyed our tea, chatting, playing with a magnetic pendulum board & perusing the shop. I found a lot more goodies that I want to get next time I'm out there.

About a 1/2 hr later, Lisa came down & Julia went up for her reading. During her reading, a few customers came in wanting to go upstairs to see the tents, but couldn't as there was a reading going on. Another lady (a regular customer?) came in & got a tea and chatted with the other employee who was cleaning the jewellry. When Julia came down, this lady went up for her reading. I was miffed that she "butted" in the queue. They only do readings from noon til 4pm and it was already after 3pm.

A little while later, even though it felt like forever, they came down, Donna made more tea for us & took me upstairs for my reading. I never saw cards like the ones she had. They were gorgeous!! She said she's been reading them for 25 yrs. The cards are a little tricky to describe, but I'll try anyway. Each card has 4 halves of a picture, the card is divided up with an X shape. After all the cards are laid out onto the table, it becomes like a matching game. You make up a complete picture by moving adjacent cards to complete an image. The cards have to be beside each other or on top of each other, no diagonal matching. Does this make sense?? Donna said that an average reading yields about 4-5 images, I had 6. The interpretation of the images' position, whether reversed, rightside, or sideways give a whole new meaning. I had a good reading, even though my 1st card was in reverse. It was an Anchor,meaning instability, but all the other cards came up excellent. I even got a money card!! That means that money is coming my way, but it's money like a bonus, not like winning the lottery. I enjoyed my reading. I won't post all the cards & the meanings, as that would take a lot of time & you have better things to do than read my reading...lol!!

After that, she read my palm, too, as she is learning how to read them. I have a really great lifeline, very strong then it gradually fades away under my Mound of Venus. I don't know too much about Palmistry, I may have to look into that form of divination, as it is uncharted territory.

So that was my reading from last Monday. I had fun hanging out with Julia & Lisa. Great girls they are (I know they read this so I better be good ;-) LOL!! )

What's A Witch To Do??

So, I'm debating about going to the Witch's Ball this weekend. I want to go, but funds are a wee bit tight, as it is in between pay cheques and I just paid rent. This week I've been living off my tips in the salon, but work hasn't been busy this week, so what I do get affords me milk & bread every couple of days and bus fare to get to & from work, oh yeah lunch, too. I hate being broke...it sucks.

I really want to get out there to meet my fellow Pagans in the city, but then again...are they all going to be college-age fluffy bunnies who just want to play dress up?? There's not a lot here in Halifax, in terms of anything Pagan. The Nova Scotia Pagan Alliance (NSPA) holds monthly meetings, I go when I can (when my son is at his dad's), but the majority of the people who attend these are college-age....there a a couple of older people who go, but I find the topics a bit mundane. There are pub meets that another group puts on, but they hold them on the first Wednesday night of the month, either here in Halifax or across the harbour in Dartmouth. I don't know about you, but I can't go to a pub in the middle of the week when I have to work the next morning. Needless to say, I haven't been to one of their meet 'n greets. There are public rituals held on the Sabbats, but I don't feel comfortable sharing a ritual with people who don't fully appreciate the meanings & symbolism. I do want to get out there in the Pagan community, but I'm at a loss as to how to go about doing it.

Maybe I will save up my tips these next couple of days and get all gussied up in my finest Witchiness & go. I could cast a spell on the bartender so I can get free drinks........n'ah, that's not ethical, but it would be fun ;-)

)O( Blessed Be,
Rowan