A Lack of Faith??

Oh Goddess, I miss blogging!! I've been away for far too long and it's not because I didn't want to be (or my internet bill didn't get behind), I have been experiencing a HUGE struggle with my faith this past year. I think I can trace it back to about this time last year when I was depressed about not finding work. I just didn't feel like doing Sabbat rituals or workings. Then I found a job, but at the time didn't realize it was a bad choice for a job. I was working at a hair salon on straight commission, I thought if I did that it would force me to find a clientele. After 9 months working there and not making much money, I left and found a new job. But money was short, bills got left by the wayside as I struggled to get myself caught up. Because of this, my faith took a backseat. I tried to go to public rituals, feasts, but my heart wasn't in it, so I stopped going. I shut myself away from my local Pagan groups and from some Pagans who I really didn't want to associate myself with anymore. The stress of money problems, witch wars, etc, I cut myself off and focused on one thing that actually made me smile throughout all this.

When I woke up this morning, I realized that I needed to make a change in my life, my spiritual life. I'm going to practice my faith my way. Not with what books or fellow Pagans say how I should. I do things a little unconventional, not the norm and I don't add New Age things into my practice. I may not blog as much as I used to (let me get out of my funk first) but I do hope you read it when I do. I also posted today about a meditation I had last week on my Rowan's Deities page.

Imbolg Postings

Well, another year has past & a new one has arrived. I spent my day de-decorating my place, as my son is at his father's. This has always been a tradition in my family to take down our holiday decorations on the 1st day of January. When I was still living at my parents', we always did it with the Tournament of Roses Parade on TV in the background. We would occasionally stop to glance at the wonderfully decorated floats, going along the road in Pasadena, CA. I could never get over seeing the sun shining bright, looking like summer on the TV. Today, the air was chilly, the sky was overcast and as I took things down & packed them away, the snow started. Fast forward to 4 hours later, the snow is still coming down ever so gently. There is a calm in the air.

I got an email last night from my friend, Lisa, I had posted on my Facebook that Imbolg was only 32 days away. She sent me a link to a video from Lisa Thiel. So, that got me started. I know we just finished with Yule/Solstice, but as we all know, Sabbats occur every 6 weeks. I dug around in my BOS for some info on this Sabbat. I have tons of stuff on it, that I will be adding as it gets closer. I have recipes, chants, lore, crafts, etc. It was my 1st major Sabbat that I observed last year. I have plans for making a wreath this year to hang on my new front door. I will be posting a new slideshow in the upper right-hand corner with some beautiful Imbolg images I've been collecting throughout the year.

I am a blogger who will be trying to post at least once a day, but if I miss a day...no worries. That's why I have a button about "Blogging without Obligation" I don't do the whole automated blogging. It's not me. It's an impersonal way to blog. You can copy & paste info months ahead and on a scheduled date, it magickally appears. There's no personality to it. If you do it, good for you, but I think blogs should have a bit of you in it. Automated blogging is a lazy way of blogging, in my opinion. I can see using once & a while, but for all your postings??

Anyway, I'm sitting at my pc, sipping my Cranberry Green Tea, watching the snow fall. What a perfect way to start the new year off. I hope that you all had a most Blessed New Year's last night and that the Blue Moon energized your spirit.

Love & Light!! )O(
Rowan

My Rant

Why is it when you get hurt, you move on, get over it, when all of a sudden, after 2 months go by they contact you?? This happened to me tonight. I was just minding my business when I get a poke. I thought it was Duane poking me, like he always does, but it was someone from from my not-so-distant past. I removed the poke & emailed him asking why he was poking me.

I got the whole "I miss you and I miss Mark" I asked him if he was drinking, cuz that's the only time he gets balls to do anything. He said no (yeah, right). He was reading our old emails to each other & clicked onto my name & saw that I could be "poked". What the hell?? Was that his way of trying to pull at my heartstrings?? I told him that I had moved on, that I was happy again and that I deleted those mgs when I deleted him as a friend (as well as any private emails between us).

He was trying to be nice, but I wasn't buying what he was selling. I wasn't going to let him get to me again. Ok, he did get to me, but in a different way. I told him that I didn't want to rehash anything with him. I wished him & Kristie (the one he dumped me for) well. He wrote back saying that was a cover for her ex who was harassing her. I still don't buy it. I asked him why he didn't tell me that when I asked him then about the 2 of them. He came back with "you deleted me before I could tell you" I gave him 2 days to explain, but he just got controlling & pissy towards me. Whatever.

I ended it with that I'm not ready to be friends with him again, maybe someday, but not now. I blocked him, so he can't have access to my profile. Once you send msgs to those you delete, they can see your profile. He's not seeing mine anymore.

My hands are finally wiped clean of Raven. The wounds he tried to re-open are still sealed shut. I will never again be controlled by another man again.