Hi there, I've been a solitary, eclectic pagan for about 20 years, off & on. I have always felt the draw of the Goddess & have acknowledged Her even when I really wasn't practicing. I'm not Wiccan & I really don't strictly follow a Celtic or Asatru path. I'm not into a lot of New Age hoo-ha that has infiltrated Paganism. I'm currently reading into the 1734 Tradition & Clan of Tubal Cain. I read books on Traditional Witchcraft, the Occult, The Robert Cochrane Letters, Evan John Jones, Doreen Valiente, Robin Artisson, Peter Paddon. I'm on a few Yahoo groups devoted to these topics, as well as others. I tend to stay away Llewellyn books, as I tend to find them on the "Fluffy" side of things. I'm currently learning all about the lost art of Enchantment through gesture & Visceral Magick. I am also a student of Southern & Appalachian Conjure.
Blessings to you all. My journey is still ongoing, as yours is as well. I've been doing a lot of reflection this week about my faith. My cat, Loki died this week & I had to do a solitary burial ritual for him in my backyard. Since I live in an apt complex, it had to be a little inconspicuous.
I've had my cat for 4 years. He was 4 when I got him from an ex. He started showing signs that something wasn't quite right when I came home from my visit to Twa Corbies Hollow. He was being aloof & not himself. At first I thought he was a little upset with me for being gone for the wknd, then I started to notice he was losing weight. Loki was a fat cat, no lies there, but the following wknd while petting him, I could start to feel his backbone. Even my parents noticed the weight loss. I thought he was getting sick from his food, so I changed up the food to another brand he liked, still lost more weight.
I went to the vet to ask about what could be causing this to him. I couldn't afford to get him for an exam, as I had just paid my rent and I was broke. They said it could be a number of things, from feline leukemia, to a blockage. They wanted to see him, but all I had to my name was $50 til payday and they don't do payment options. I did get him 2 cans of a prescription wet food for him to keep him hydrated with an oral syringe to feed it to him. By this time Loki refused to eat or drink, this was the only way to get things into him. He still purred, slept with me each night & cuddled. I made pleas with Bast to help him, to lessen his pain and if She had to take him, to not let him suffer. I even bought an Egyptian cat figurine to place on my altar. I cried each night, feeling helpless to help Loki.
This past Tuesday, Loki left me. It happened while I was at work. When I left in the morning, he was in his usual place under my bed. I placed some of the wet food there for him, watered down (as per the vet). I kissed him goodbye, told him I loved him and that I would see him when I come home at suppertime. When I came home, my other cat, Callie didn't run to greet me, which was odd for her. I walked down the hall to my room to see Loki. Callie was on the floor in the bathroom sleeping in front of the vanity. She lifted her head up when I saw her. I looked under the bed for Loki, he was not there. I looked for him in his spots, but he wasn't there. I found him on the floor beside my storage closet door, curled up as if he was sleeping, but I knew he wasn't. Through my tears, I kissed him & said the hardest thing: I love you & goodbye. I petted him, even though he couldn't physically feel it. I stayed with him for a while, petting his soft fur, my tears falling onto his body. I found a remnant of some blue fabric and carefully wrapped him up in it (wearing gloves) and cleaned the floor where he was laying, there was a clear watery fluid tinged with blood. I Javexed the floor & cleaned the litter box.
My son came home that night from his dad's so he could say goodbye to Loki. I didn't allow him to see Loki, as his face was scary for a 7 yr old to see. He petted the wrapped cat and told him that he loved him & goodbye. Loki would sleep with my son until I went to bed each night. While my son slept, I went out into the yard to bury my handsome boy. Without going into detail, I did a burial ritual for him as I said my final goodbyes, crying. Loki was buried with pictures of my son, myself & Callie and some treats wrapped in paper towel (in case he gets hungry on the way to Summerlands). It was hard for me to shovel the earth onto him, but I knew the Goddess gave me the strength to do it. I placed a flat rock to mark where he lays & I can see his resting place from my diningroom window.
Even though he's physically gone, I know he's here...in my heart. I even see Callie going to his spots to sleep. I know his death affected her, but she is a strong cat.