Confusion

I've been catching up on a lot of reading, as of late, hence that's why I hardly posted. I was distracted by YoVille on Facebook, but now I got what I needed to get done there, I decided to read. Been reading some of the books I have on my shelf that I bought months ago. I bought them because I felt drawn to them, others, that were recommended for me to read. A lot of the subject matter was Green Witchery. No, not just about being environmentally conscious (which is a great thing to be) but about growing plants and living with nature. Growing your own plants/herbs/flowers. A few of these books were heavily encouraged (see, pushed on) by someone who is no longer a friend. This is what she was interested in. She tried to get me to follow what she was into. I read these books, which were good, but when it comes to growing things, I do not have a green thumb, it's more a beige thumb. Everything I try to grow, ends up dying within a few weeks. Ok, I did manage to successfully grow catgrass last year, but that was about it. Even if I go to a nursery to buy plants, they die in a matter of weeks, even when I do what they told me to do to keep them living.

I've also been reading about Hedgewitchery, something that I find interesting. But again, I'm getting discouraged, my meditations are all wonky, as of late. I can't seem to concentrate on keeping my mind quiet. I had this problem when starting with meditations last year, but over came them back in the summer. Now, I'm back to square one. Does this happen to you as well?? I miss the communion I was having with my guides in the Otherworld. I never thought I would be able to go there, but I had just started when my mind wouldn't stop chatting. Argh!! It's frustrating!! Was I ready to travel there??

Another topic I've been reading about is solitary witchcraft. There are a lot of books out there and the newest one I got last week was by Marion Green. I read it, thought it was a good book, there were some things in it that sounded interesting. It's a sort of "beginner" book if you're new to the craft, but it also lets the adept see things in a new light. I read it through once & now I'm going through it again, as suggested, and reading the suggested reading. The only thing is: I can't find any books by Dion Fortune. I know they are suggested reading, but her books come up a lot when I'm reading. I want to see why they are so special.

I got confused when reading this book, it opened up a vault of info about different paths, healing, divination, hedgewitchery, joining a coven. These are things I have been trying to decide what to do. I know I should feel drawn to something, but I'm not sure which path. Divination is the closest, as I have been reading the Tarot for 18 yrs now. I am trying Runes, but they are hard!!! I know this is something I have to decide for myself, but it's like having to choose between chocolate, great sex and Robert Pattinson (yes, I have a thing for him), can't I have it all?? Oy Vey!!